The Bitter Withy

Have you ever heard the story about how Jesus asked some posh kids to play football with him, and when they refused he murdered them by flying over a river and letting them drown when they tried to follow him? Then Mary canes him when the posh kids' mothers complain, Jesus curses all willow trees forever because she uses a willow branch, and the whole thing just explaining why willows rot from the inside? The Bitter Withy is a bit of a trip; Wikipedia describes it as "an unusual and apocryphal vernacular idea of Jesus", which is putting it lightly. It slaps, though.